Poetry by Ryan Meadows

Edited by Megan Chan

in the morning i’ll wake up,

not to the sound of an alarm

but when i’d like to; i’ll get up

rested and not sorely missing

the warmth of my blankets.

my cat stretches at my side,

i swing my legs over the edge,

and we pad downstairs.

the sun pours in like honey

and melts slow on kitchen tiles.

water runs over my hands

as i wash the dinner dishes

and hum quietly, with my cat

winding around my legs.

dishes file into the drying rack,

and i rinse my hands, then dry them.

there’s no rush. 

there’s never any rush.

my cat will cry for food now,

and i will oblige in a moment.

starting on my own breakfast—

maybe cereal or a quesadilla

or pancakes—i remember

that i haven’t brushed my teeth

yet, because memory isn’t something

i’ve quite gotten back, because

some things can’t be changed.

so i’ll go and brush my teeth:

forward, back, forward, back,

and up and down and across.

i clean right after breakfast—

i never want to be in a messy house

again—so i can only sit and rest,

draw or write, play something like

an instrument or game or music.

if it happens to rain, i will watch it

with my cat curled up on my lap.

on some days, a friend will ring

the doorbell and we’ll eat together 

something small and chat—

chat about this and that and life,

all of life’s wonderful simplicities.

at some point—surely before or after

lunch—i’ll head outside to walk around,

visit the park or the library or step into

a store to get a little gift for a friend.

one to say, “i love you, thank you

for finding me, for staying with me.”

wind brushes my face and warm light

casts down upon the street, leading me

down the street back home. my cat 

will greet me, and i’ll tie up the day

with a little red bow.

eventually, i’ll sink into a big chair,

one i bought with no distress for 

the dollars leaving my pocket, 

and i’m sure my cat would jump up

to seek my warmth and comfort.

maybe tomorrow i have work,

or maybe i don’t,

but either way it will be a day

with few stresses and headaches,

one that i can enjoy and that i once

only hoped for. one i dreamed of.

i’ll find myself looking forward,

not only to sleep but to waking up

to another day i can experience.

every day the sun will rise and i will rise after,

until i finally don’t.

but i won’t try to bring that day closer,

just enjoy the time i have left,

in this place i feel warm and safe,

a place where the sun shines in.