Poetry by Aline Huang

Edited by Michelle Padilla

As my feelings have, my memory of you transcends time;
Amorously asphyxiating me, inebriating me.
My heart senses your presence,
My mind and soul coincide.
I feel you here, my love.

But only in spirit, only in soul, only in mind–
Not in body or sight, not in scent or sensation.
Though tangible almost, you are not here.
Oh, how you have become
Incompatible with life.

What remains,
Only my eternal gravitation towards you,
Fruitless attempts to reconcile with my faults,
To repent for my own self-deception–
Convinced that I was not irrevocably yours already.

Subordinated to fear, 
We found security in our silence,
Assessing the timing, the situation.
We refused to accept our transient existence,
Anticipating permission from the world around us,  
Willingly oblivious to our reciprocated love.

Yet, even in our silence, in our secrecy–
I have never felt so loved.
Consumed by your subtle demonstrations of affection,
In awe of this omnipotent force who had no desire for recognition.

In the end, this unsung force was all that was necessary
To maintain faith in us then.
And the memory of you is all that is necessary
To maintain faith in us now.

Because in my heart we are dormant, not dead.
And I insist in the possibility that, in time,
We may realize what we refused ourselves in life.

To my ultimately undeclared love.

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Artist Statement: “Perpetual Adoration” is a sincere, reflective monologue addressed to a lost, undeclared lover. What begins with lamentation and an almost rancorous recollection of past memories, transforms into tender reminiscence, as the narrator embraces the beautiful tragedy of their past. Perpetual adoration is a term used to refer to the practice of uninterrupted adoration, whether this be in a literal or moral sense, before the sacramental bread and wine in the Roman Catholic Church. In this way, the title of this piece intends to emphasize the narrator’s almost sacred devotion to their past lover, and the arduous emotional journey involved in maintaining their faith. Despite its religious references, this poem was primarily intended to have an open interpretation, extending a hand to all of those who have experienced loss and separation in a forbidden romance – whether this be due to cultural standards, sexuality, familial relationships, or religion.