Prose by Shawn Khalifa

Edited by Zoha Ahmed & Kane Hong

КОВЕ 2020

Long live Gianna (Gigi), Kobe Bryant, and the other seven. How did I find out? Returning from a lifetime high of having my life sentence vacated, and resentenced to 9 years, time served. It was from a television screen I could not see, only hear. While at Wasco Reception Center on 23-hour lockdown, “Kobe Bryant was killed in a helicopter crash in Calabasas,” came through my cell door as breaking news around noon. I cried more for Kobe Bryant, his daughter, and the families than I did at my resentencing.

I looked up from the metal toilet sink combo with tears in my eyes at my walrus-sized cellie who was sleeping under a dark matted prison blanket. I thought he was sound asleep but I could hear it in his voice when I said the words in my own broken voice. 

“Kobe’s dead.” I was talking out loud while he slept just to see if they sounded real. Plausible. My cellie responded to me with a depressed tone. “I heard that. To be honest I was over here crying.” He tried to give a small chuckle that turned into a small whimper of sorrow. My cellie was sentenced to over 190 years to life for a third strike conviction with enhancements (he didn’t kill anybody), and was being housed in our state’s highest security level 4 180. Two men. One whose life sentence was removed and going home if he could survive the final hurdle of waiting in a dangerous prison reception center. The other was sentenced to over 190 years to life, waiting for a bus to return him to his high-security prison. We never once cried because of us, but we did cry for KOBE.

Inspired by Kobe I wrote a blog to honor him after his retirement in 2016. I thank him for the tools that helped me survive this life prison sentence by sharing KOBE – the blog, and showing what he means to us… Mamba Life!

КОВЕ 2016

It feels like it was just yesterday… I was a little boy sitting in my Mama’s living room, influenced by Space Jam to worship Michael Jordan. So, I waited for it to come on the small T.V. KCAL-9. It was the place my young mind knew to go for basketball. They always showed the purple and gold team. The Bulls versus the Lakers captured my attention. There was the hero of Space Jam, Michael Jordan. I wanted to be a fan. MJ was friends with aliens. I love aliens! Sad to write I was underwhelmed by watching the MJ of real life. I preferred the Space Jam MJ. I must also mention MJ and I had little in common. He played for Chicago, and I was a California kid. I needed a hero from where I was from. A positive male role model for my fatherless household, not to mention I was forbidden to wear red in my neighborhood. Good thing for KCAL-9’s broadcast of the Laker games, a hero emerged with the attitude for us. KOBE! It is like he channeled the spirit of the youth in Southern California and portrayed our art for the world to see and appreciate. When Kobe let his actions be his words, I was inspired to do the same.

2004 Riverside Juvenile Hall’s Group 9 Security Unit

Locked inside of cell-1 (a cell I hated to be inside of) I would pray for a flood, earthquake, or fire to free me. Those prayers went unanswered. There were cheers to be heard from the humans not in cells (staff). This was always the worst: to be locked inside a cell while free people laughed and joked, ignorant of the pain their exuberance was causing. I put my face to the thick, vertical cell door window. With only one eye able to see I searched for what was bringing free people so much joy. A wave of joy passed over me: it was my friends, the purple and gold! Kobe! With a struggling one-eyed view of a far-off television screen, I channeled all of my energy to live in this one moment. 

A flashback: A year prior during a trip to San Antonio, Texas, for a wedding, Spurs fans were enjoying their championship, in 2004 – the genesis of my incarceration. I reveled at the thought of eliminating the Spurs from the playoffs. My friends had 0.4 seconds left on the game clock, a miracle shot from Derrick Fisher own the game for us. With one eye I witnessed men conquer a mountain. Not just any men, but my team. My heroes.

Kobe! All of a sudden, the “anything is possible,” spirit was back and alive within me. I knew that whatever was to come in the future, I would be okay. My hero was the greatest in the world. “Can’t beat him, can’t beat me” was my attitude.

2009 Pelican Bay State Prison

I felt like the 15-year-old boy I was taken as. In a cold man’s world, Kobe, I needed the ice in your veins to survive here. This was big-time violence and big-time men who don’t live by the clock because a life sentence in prison means they are already dead. I started to wonder if they actually were me. A reality I refused to believe. The only escape was my 13″ T.V. Kobe, thank you for winning two more rings. In a cold dark cell, you made my heart sing. There are many people in prison who don’t like you, but that’s okay.

2016

It has been 20 years for you, and 12 years for me. I have never spent a day in prison without you to look forward to. Kobe, I really believed you would be here to do this 25 years with me. I will have to adjust to prison life without you, it’s not something I want to do. I watched your last game. I darkened my cell, put on my earphones, and mentally teleported myself to the Staples Center. I like to think the spirit of us willed you to 60 points. Once again, you conquered a mountain. A real-life “Space Jam.” The Black Mamba! Kobe’s not done. My hero, you are just getting started. If Kobe Inc. is going to leave no stone unturned then this bleeding stone has hope.

2023 University of California, Irvine

As I drive up the hill on the 73-toll road, I marvel at the stunning view. Newport Bay and then the entire Los Angeles Basin stretches out before me. I can’t help but think that Kobe Bryant enjoyed this same view. That’s why he chose to move to Newport. Kobe was always one step ahead of the game, I can picture him sitting in his house using binoculars to view the Staples Center, constantly studying his game.

As a student at the University of California, Irvine, I often find myself looking down upon the back basketball court and wondering if this is where Kobe would come to practice when he came to campus. It’s surreal to think that I am now attending the same university that Kobe once thought of as a place to come and shoot around. It’s inspiring to know that he was once living in the same area as me, pursuing his dreams and working towards his goals.

Kobe’s dedication to his craft and his relentless pursuit of excellence is something that I strive to emulate in my own life. Whether it’s on the basketball court or in the classroom, I am always pushing myself to be better and to achieve more. I know that there are no shortcuts to success and that it takes hard work, determination, and a willingness to learn and grow.

As I continue my journey at UCI, I am grateful for the opportunities that have been presented to me. From the Restorative Justice Program at Southwestern Community College to Project Rebound, and the Underground Scholars Program at UCI, I have been given a second chance to pursue my dreams and positively impact the world. I know that there are still many challenges ahead, but I am confident that with hard work and determination, I can overcome any obstacle and achieve my goals.

Looking out over the Los Angeles Basin, I am reminded of the power of perseverance and the importance of never giving up on your dreams. Kobe Bryant once said, “The most important thing is to try and inspire people so that they can be great in whatever they want to do.” I hope that my story can serve as an inspiration to others, showing that it’s never too late to pursue your dreams and make a positive impact on the world.