Poetry by Kaylie Harley

Edited by Ayla Baig

I was naive back then. 

I still am, but I’ve learnt a thing or two as I’ve grown away from you.

I should’ve noticed there was something out of the ordinary. I should’ve felt that something was wrong. 

And I did. I know I did. But I chose to ignore it. 

I was being selfish.

But the most ironic part is that I was being selfish against my own happiness. 

– 

I was in love back then. 

I let it blind me. I let myself be blinded to the way you were treating me. 

I took your excuses like most people take vitamins in the morning. 

I wanted to protect you from the world, but you just deceived me into exposing my vulnerabilities. 

– 

I was insecure back then. 

I didn’t hate myself anymore, and I thought that would be enough. 

You made me feel like loving myself was asking for too much. 

I felt trapped within my own skin.

I felt like I should start to hate myself again, just so I could understand how to help you. 

– 

I was alone back then. 

You made me feel alone even when I was surrounded by friends. 

You made me feel like I shouldn’t love my friends. That it was just the two of us against the rest of the world. That was the way it was supposed to be. 

You stole me from them. 

– 

I was naive back then. But now I can finally see. 

I was in love back then. But now my true loved ones are there for me. 

I was insecure back then. But now I love myself in ways you can’t contain.

I was alone back then. But I never was and I never will be ever again. 

I am stronger now than I was before, and there’s nothing you can do to stop me anymore.

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Artist’s Statement: Back Then is the first poem I’ve ever written, and details the confusion and anger that comes with realizing someone you cared for used you. By representing my misinterpretations of love — ones that resulted in intentional self-hatred and isolation — in their own isolated sections of my poem, I wished to convey the loneliness inherent with emotional abuse. Further stressing the power of connection that comes with healing, the lines in the final section remain together in rhyming couplets, yet still individually spaced to emphasize their linguistic power.